omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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