RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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