yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
