party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's blow job season.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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