lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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