is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
