If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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