so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
