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I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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