Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
