Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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