I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i out mim tonsoeep
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize