Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
FUCK WHALES
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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