I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
