My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
