I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
