is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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