We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
