She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize