Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
