i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
