how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
