It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We need to feng shui this bitch.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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