as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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