this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish i was in the wii world.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
