Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
