I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
two words: eviction party
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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