That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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