Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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