I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
