I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
