i can't believe i had my finger in that
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
