It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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