u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize