You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
