is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
