If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
