We should be called the Road Head Warriors
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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