I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I have post one night stand depression
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