If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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