weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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