Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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