His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
