This girl is more easily done than said...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
