Pregnant stripper...not hot.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We need to get me chipped asap
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