im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize