I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
