people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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