my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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