I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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