Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's never too late to be topless.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
