In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
