I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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