I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
