It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize