so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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