Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
