puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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