I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
