the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
