your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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