I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
