I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Couch. On fire.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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