is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
