im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
