I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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