i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize