She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
