I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
