I got her a Nickelback box set.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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