I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
