I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
